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The Texas Sun
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December 11, 1975     The Texas Sun
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December 11, 1975
 

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I 15 hockey ice beneath it. The moisture did not influence the outcome of the game, but it sure gave it a surrealistic quality. Never knowing ffthe man with the ball or the defender was about to hit the deck next added a new dimension to late night television viewing. Sports Orgy-Sunday Termination of Life Forces My mother's favorite columnist, Erma Bombeck, recently stated her belief that "any man who watches 168 football games in a year should be declared legally dead." After the Thanksgiving holidays I only have three games left. O.D.'d on Pumpkin Pie Roaring off my dietgobblingthe gobbler on Turkey Day, I began the long sports weekend innocently enough. Moved to the verge of eloquence by the cold goodness of a dozen frozen daquiris, this innocent journalist was only vaguely aware of the L.A.--Detroit game as he dazzled his friends with his tried and true Milton Berle routines. Later that afternoon the Buffalo- St. Louis game was punctuated by the writer's hilarious anecdotes about his misspent youth in West Texas. It was halfway through the Georgia - Georgia Tech clash that the blearyaeyed humorist interrupted his in-depth-analysis of the virtues of the M-16 to make another sandwich, and noticed that he was completely alone, talking only to the television set. I realized instantly the need to get out of Austin. Chug-a-lugging caffeine and floor-boarding my dinosaur, I roared into Houston leaving tire tread and startled villagers in my wake-all without the use of a Citizen's Band. My arrival at Cosmo Bill s house corresponded with the kick-off of the Texas- Aggie game. The sight of a freshman quarterback seemed to enrage the rude A&M defense. Texas was, once again, totally amazed by a nine-man defensive front. Sports Orgy-Friday Once the College Station Catastrophe was over, Cosmo and I filled our flasks and headed for the Summit. The Summit is the 15,500-capacity sports complex built by the citizens of Houston so they wouldn't have to brave the wilds or the ghetto around Hoflieinz Pavillion. Friday night the Summit was the site of a hockey game between Houston's defending WIlL champs (The Aeros), and the inept Edmonton Oilers. The Suununit, with its unobstructed seating and twenty:foot television screens, is a trip; but the trip to the Summit is a journey through American surreality.Parking underground, one needs to be a spelunker to reach the Summit. One thousand novice hockey fans were winding .their way through halls and tunnels, striving for the top. The leader, an orthodontist from Waco, absent-mindedly made a wrong turn into a hotel lobby and his army of fans mindlessly followed. An alert exterminator from Fort Worth sized up the potentially destructive force of a panicked crowd, and held his hockey ticket high over his head as he led our mob back onto the right track. Hockey is a fast, exciting game, but hardly worth $5.50 for the cheapest seats. This game was highlighted by an injury to Gordle Howe, the Aeros' 48-year-old super star who has two sons playing on the team. Howe, who wears the title "President" on his jersey instead of his name, was struck on the side of the head by the hockey puck. Collapsing in a pool of blood, Howe was carried from the arena while the bloody ice was scraped into a gigantic cherry snowcone and vacuumed out of sight. Although it was announced that Mr. President was out for the night, 0]' Gordie skated back on the ice and aggressively body checked his younger opponents. The Aeros won 6-4. The Summit sells beer and mixed-drinks. We escaped the hockey crowd m time to make it to a local bar to watch the closing minutes of the UCLA - USC game and to move the balls around a pool table. Six sporting events in two days and just getting loose. Sports Orgy-Saturday Sunday morningwas uneventful except for a wonderful plate of migas. At noon the long awaited Cincinnati - Houston game brightened the T.V. room. As usual the Oilers blew the big one. The Cowboys followed with a sleepy slopper over the G G_ nts. Finally the Sabbath was saved when Washington and Minnesota put on a great show. The Vikings trailed 21-0 at the half, but rallied to take a 30-24 lead with 1:151eft in the game. However, salty old veteran quarterback, Bill Kilmer, passed the Skins downfield while taking a terrific beating. Kilmer hit Frank Grant with the winning toss with 9 seconds left in the game. Suddenly it was over. Sunday night and no sports on T.V. or live. I had to have one more game; a coach's show would be o.k.; even a rerun of the Knute Rockne story wouldn't be too bad. But nothing, nada, not a bleeding thing! The very fiber of our culture was crumbling. Cosmo Bill had developed a twitch. I realized that I was considering reading a book. Finally a vision ! "Weed !" Not the drug, the movie. Don Pastorini, the Houston Oilers' glamorous quarterback, and his very visible wife were starring in a film called "Weed." Oakland lineman Otis Sistrunk (University of Mass.) also had a small part. It wasn't really sports, but it would do. Curly Culp summed it up best: "I ain't much of a movie critic, but I think Dan did better in his movie than Namath did in his." As it turned out, the flick was a complete dud--except for Otis Sistrunk blowing up the Narcs with a grenade. My thirst for sb orts had been satisfied. In fact, I realized just in the nick of time that I was drowning. Return to Hipsville Gasping for air in the stagnant Houston atmosphere I headed back to Austin. Driving from Houston to Austin at night with no lights is a'real challenge. Once again I survived, at least physically. Suffering from disorientation, culture shock, and a voice in the back of my mind that kept singing "Eugene Lock should be governor of Texas" - I sought help. A six pack of Treefrog helped a little. The voice changed to "Wienerschnltzels $.59, Chili Dogs $.75." It was then that I learned of the Psychic Flu that is sweeping the country. A strange bearded fellow explained to me that various experiments in mutating bacteria had produced a mutant that affected the psyche of millions of moderately innocent Americans. The only cure or prevention is writing the number 7.777,999 on a piece of paper and wearing it next to your skin. After every bath, the paper must be replaced. For five days now I have faithfully worn my number. Never before has mymind been so free of clutter, like ideas, thoughts, etc. Travis Redfish, ever the cynic, theorizes that the wearing of the number is a definite symptom of psychic flu rather than a cure. Redfish may be correct. However my flibble and geld never previously so harmoniously cloppety-clopped across the dandy onion patch. ECONOMICAL MAJOR OVERHAULS, BRAKE & CLUTCH REPAIRS FOR ALL SAAB, VOLVO, V.W., DAT- SUN, TOYOTA & PORSCHE TOW-IN SERVICE 385-0741 3005 BASTROP HWY. t JUST 1 MILE EAST OF BERGSTROM AFB) SALES & SERVICE Bouncing out of bed Saturday, I barely got the T.V. on before the Army - Navy game tarted. Luckily we only had time to endure a few minutes of the Pentagon Bowl before dashingofftothe Astrodome to witness the Longview - Conroe clash. Longwew, top-ranked AAAA team in the state, had given up only one touchdown before this game. As expected, Longview shut Conroe down in the first quarter and took a 14-0 lead. However, Conroe dominated the rest of the game. Trailing 14-13 with only one minute left in the game, the Tigers' star fullback lost a fumble on the five yard line. Longv ew ran out the clock. The fullback sat alone on the bench dwarfed by the cavernous dome. Leaving the Dome, we had plentY of time to drive past the For Lease sign_ "_m_ front of'"The Chamber of Torture and shoot back to the Summit for a basketball game. The Houston Rockets looked good beating the Philadelphia 76ers 99-98. Super star George McGinnis, a man mountain with more moves than Tina Turner, cost Philadelphia the game when he was called for goal-tending at the buzzer. Rocket Fast Drive-thru Service for the Coldest Beer in Town... (or try our Beer Garden... Pitchers $1.75/1.25 during Happy Hour) l i!! :iii:iii Oiiiiiiil : ii!i!i SPECIALS i i i i ii:i ii:ii: i:! i! ii !i:ii i!i! ili i!ii :i:iiiiii] Pearl Longnecks $1.15 4.29 tickets start at two dollars. Lone Star Longnecks 1.25 4.39 !iiiiiii I iiiili!iii!iiiiil After the game the Summit management gave the crowd a bonus by. showing theForeman-Frazierfightonthebigscreens.TnLSstmlelt ane _unemtnelas Buckhorn Quarts .49 (Cold) No limit i of the Alabama- Auburn contest before the Indiana - UCLA, basketball game started. It was astonishing to see UCLA get blown_out of the gym. It was even more astonishing to see players slide around the floor, suppery n-om gne perspmng